New Year's (Draft) Resolution

New Year’s (Draft) Resolution 

Committees: Oversight Council for Individual Matters (OCIM)

Agenda Item: The Question of Making 2024 a Better Than 2023

Sponsors: Brain, Heart

Signatories: Biceps, Carpals, Cerebellum, Cerebrum, Clavicle, Coccyx, Cranium, Deltoid, Femur, Fibula, Frontalis, Gastrocnemius, Gluteus Maximus, Humerus, Mandible, Maxilla, Metacarpals, Metatarsals, Pectoralis Major, Patella, Pelvis, Phalanges, Quadriceps, Radius, Rectus Abdominis, Ribs, Sacrum, Sartorius, Scapula, Spinal Cord, Sternocleidomastoid, Sternum, Thorax, 

The General Assembly,

Guided by lessons taught by mentors, peers and people who know much better than the OCIM,

Confident in learning from blunders made in 2023, 

Having examined the numerous fumbles,

Alarmed by the councils’ inability to speak to girls,

Deeply disturbed by the amount of time wasted playing video games and watching Netflix on the couch like a lazy slob, 

Expecting that this year will be more chaotic than the last, 

Noting the fact that 2024 is the year of a major exam, 

Reaffirming the councils’ resilience in getting through high stress periods, having already gone through PSLE in 2018 and O levels in 2022, 

Therefore, this resolution endeavours to detail comprehensive measures that strengthens dedication in improving this councils’ general quality of life, striving towards a more favourable 2024,

Resolves to adopt the following, 

Article I: Definitions

1. Defines “New Year” as the year of our lord 2024, as a new beginning where all errors and mistakes committed has been reset;

2. Defines “fumble” failing to capitalise on and/or losing opportunities for this council to find love;

3. Defines “lazy slob” as a person spending an entire day during the exam period being so lethargically unmotivated to do any work whatsoever and just playing games and watching youtube videos until the council has realised that they just wasted the WHOLE 14 hours and the promo exams are right around the corner; 

4. Defines “major exams” as the exams that may feel like it will determine the council’s future, but in reality probably doesn’t really matter that much, but have to work hard to perform well anyway in order not to bring shame and dishonour to my family and the school;

5. Defines “quality of life” as the number of times the OCIM wakes up and does not hate itself for its existence and is genuinely interested in being a functional human being instead of opting to be a stone for the day;

Article II: Academic Weaponry 

6. Proposes that the adoption a regular revision routine, that will be quickly forgotten when there’s more than 2 videos about some obscure TV show from the 90s’ that throws the council into a rabbit hole for multiple hours on end, but the council should undertake it anyway just to say that they’ve tried;

7. Encourages the regular reading of  self help-books that allegedly have “10 tips to make your life better and a more efficient worker”;

8. Draws the attention to subjects that this council has completely ignored during the previous year;

9. Further requests the council to be on the lookout for more study-buddies, despite the fact that study sessions turn into 4 hour gossip sessions– for being inefficient with friends trumps the alternative;

Article III: Maintaining Relationships 

10. Implores the council to speak to more women;

11. Implores the council to touch more grass;

12. Further reminds the council to talk to family members more often, through avenues such as:

1. Coming back for dinner on time,

2. Adhering to the councils’ parents’ “No phones on the dinner table” campaign, 

3. Dropping a text to check up on them every week, 

4. Being open to share your difficulties with family members;

13. Expresses its appreciation towards the friends, new and old, the council has had the opportunity to further their journey together, through thick and thin;

14. Calls upon the council to have more open communication with friends;

Article IV: Maintaining Physical and Mental Health 

15. Encourages the council to utilise the 6 month gym membership the council bought and head to workout every week with friends;

16. Recommends taking a break while doing endless research papers and essays that pile on through the year, and try best to ignore the haunting feeling of wasted time creeping up on the council;

17. Recommends the adoption of the following mantras for general livelihood:

1. “Fuck it, we ball,”

2. “It is what it is.” 

8 January 2024